Crash & Learn
Crash & Learn: Chatty Cathy
Last modified on 2010-01-26 18:32:37 GMT. 0 comments. Top.
If you close your eyes while you talk to your new floating friends, it almost feels as if you’re in a glamorous jacuzzi. It helps if you fart a lot.
Source: US Airways A320 Safety Card.
Crash & Learn: The Invisible Plane
Last modified on 2009-12-29 20:28:44 GMT. 0 comments. Top.
While you may worry that emergency crews won’t be able to find your invisible plane, rest assured that it’s opaque from the outside. Duh.
Click here to see larger image.
Source: Virgin America A320 Safety Card.
Crash & Learn: Live to Balloon Again
Last modified on 2009-12-28 19:40:11 GMT. 0 comments. Top.
No one loves hot air ballooning more than the Amish.
Click here to see larger image.
Source: Outback Ballooning – Alice Springs, NT, Australia.
Crash & Learn: Cuddly Jihad
Last modified on 2009-11-25 18:17:08 GMT. 0 comments. Top.
After a Monchhichi hijacked a flight and forced it to land in Cuba, other bug-eyed toys fell victim to racial profiling.
Source: Qantas Boeing 747-400 Safety Instructions.
Crash & Learn: Drink Service
Last modified on 2009-11-25 18:16:35 GMT. 0 comments. Top.
They called Jane a fool for filling Billy’s life vest with White Zinfandel. Who’s laughing now?
Source: V Australia Boeing 777-300 Safety Instructions. Check out their sweet in-flight safety video here.
Crash & Learn: Blushing Beauty
Last modified on 2009-11-17 17:11:19 GMT. 0 comments. Top.
Peg always gets embarrassed when she has to pee in public.
Source: Air Wisconsin Canadair CL-65 Safety Instructions.
Crash & Learn: Keep Your Hands to Yourself
Last modified on 2009-11-25 18:18:05 GMT. 1 comment. Top.
Please help prevent the spread of swine flu by refraining from shaking hands with the propellers.
Source: Air New Zealand Bombardier Q300 Safety Instructions. Check out their awesome in-flight safety video here.
Crash & Learn: Who Watches the Watchman?
Last modified on 2009-11-25 18:18:24 GMT. 0 comments. Top.
RadioShack’s hopes of opening an in-flight showroom of their latest offerings were quickly dashed.
Source: Northwest Airlines Boeing 757-200 Safety Instructions.
Crash & Learn: Safe Passage
Last modified on 2009-11-25 18:18:46 GMT. 0 comments. Top.
Mitch knew that the only way to keep Billy safe during the crash was to tuck him safely up his asshole.
Source: Southwest Airlines Boeing 737 Safety Instructions.
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Crash & Learn: Working Girl
Last modified on 2009-11-06 15:06:50 GMT. 0 comments. Top.
Diane knew she couldn’t keep J.R. Ewing waiting.
Source: American Airlines Boeing 767 Safety Instructions © 2009. Seriously? 2009? Wow.
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Crash & Learn
Last modified on 2009-11-04 15:01:03 GMT. 0 comments. Top.
If you fly frequently (note: this does not presume that you are a member of a frequent flier program), you’ve probably enjoyed ignoring the safety cards that the airlines provide. I, on the other hand, have been busy disobeying the instructions forbidding passengers from removing these cards from the airplane. As such, I have compiled a collection of airline safety cards that do a better job of amusing than educating.
In Crash & Learn, I’ll be sharing these safety cards and the stories they tell with you. These people who are buckling their seatbelts and breathing through oxygen masks have hopes and dreams. I well give them a voice.
While I do not condone theft, I do feel that I am doing a public service by shining a light on these previously ignored characters. Take this guy, for example. He lost his legs in the accident and yet still valiantly attempts to inflate his life vest. Blow on, brave one. Blow on.