Chad never regretted giving Grandpa Max the broken life vest. The old man was overripe anyway.

No one told Sven that black pants would be slimming on a man with such a pronounced buttocks.

Source: Widerøe Dash 8 400 Series Safety Card.

It was at that moment that Tucker regretted never having slept with a black woman.

Source: Chautauqua Airlines Embraer 135/145 Safety Card.

Thankfully, everyone from the IKEA instruction manuals survived.

Source: Icelandair B757-300 Safety Card.

Leaping out of a moving basket to pet an adorable dog is the second leading cause of hot air balloon deaths. Chronic diarrhea being the first.

Source: Kapadokya Balloons.

Janice always had her best ideas at night.

Source: Continental Airlines B737-800/900 Safety Card.

In the event of a water landing, please remain emo. Your parents will continue to not understand you.

Source: V Australia 777-300 Safety Card.

Bobby nailed the dismount but the Russian judge was too preoccupied to notice.

Source: Delta B757-200 Safety Card.

Bobby let Grace down as easily as he could. She was a sweet gal, but it was never supposed to be more than just sex.

Source: JetBlue A320 Safety Card.

Gary’s underpants may be brown or greenish brown (he ate at Sbarro at the airport).

Source: American Airlines S80 Safety Card.