Hotel beds are gross. That’s just a fact. Frankly, everything in your hotel room is contaminated with something (including bodily fluids) and not just the hellholes where you expect to find filth. These days, however, more and more people are worried about a particular cleanliness issue in hotels: bed bugs. Not only will bed bugs make your stay miserable, but you very well could ruin your home life if you carry the little biters back with you at the end of your trip. We sleep in a meat locker here at SkyMall Monday headquarters to keep the bloodsuckers at bay. When we travel, however, we live in constant fear of waking up with itchy red marks brought on from letting the bed bugs bite. Thankfully, SkyMall has chosen to nip this problem in the bud and now offers a layer of protection from things that chomp in the night. The next time you’re calling it a day in your hotel room, wrap yourself up in the Bed Bug Sleeping Cocoon.

Read the entire SkyMall Monday post on Gadling.

A person’s choice of religion is a serious matter. For many, there actually is no choice in the matter. They are born into a faith and their spiritual path through life is already mapped out. For others, the search for answers is a quest that lasts a lifetime. Here at SkyMall Monday headquarters, we keep things pretty secular, pausing only occasionally to seek answers from the all-knowing one. For those who struggle to find salvation, the journey to inner peace can take them to many destinations. Trying out different religions can be a challenge when many religious practices are meant to take years. One cannot simply grow a beard in a matter of days or learn an entire book of scripture in an afternoon. For those looking for a shortcut, however, the only holy book needed is SkyMall and the only purchase necessary is the Velvet Rasta Hat.

Read the entire SkyMall Monday post on Gadling.

Like I did last year with hotel pet peeves, I’ve created a tournament of airline annoyances on Gadling. Airline Madness is up and running:

It’s that time of year again! All around the country, people are filling out their brackets and arguing over match-ups. That’s right; it’s March Madness Airline Madness! Just like last year’s Hotel Madness, we’ve compiled a list of travel pet peeves. Only this time around the competition is for the title of Worst Airline Annoyance. Our selection committee vetted the pool of candidates and chose the 16 worst offenders. Now it’s time for you to vote. Over the next two days, all of the first round match-ups will be posted here on Gadling for you to weigh in. The winners will advance to the second round, then the Final Four and so on until we crown an Airline Madness champion.

Head over to Gadling and vote in all eight first round match-ups.

Dogs and cats have an odd fascination with toilets. They try to drink from toilets, they fall into toilets and they are mesmerized by the sounds made when you flush toilets. Here at SkyMall Monday headquarters, we have one furry toilet drinker who hits the bowl hard when he’s stressed. However, no pet owner wants to encourage that behavior because toilets are filled with bacteria and germs. Besides, pets have their own water bowls from which they should be drinking. Toilets are for deposits, not withdrawals. Until now, that is. If animals want to drink from toilets so badly, why not let them do it in a safe and decorative way? Thanks to SkyMall, that dream has become a reality. The next time that your dog or cat tells you that they’re thirsty, simply direct them to the Toilet Dog & Cat Water Bowl.

Read the entire SkyMall Monday post on Gadling.

The restrictions that the TSA places on liquids in our carry-on luggage are frustrating for everyone. How are we supposed to pack all of our lotions, creams, ointments, salves, balms, rinses and sprays in a single one-quart baggie (without getting sneaky)? Looking good isn’t easy and requires tremendous amounts of upkeep. This is particularly true when it comes to oral hygiene. Packing handfuls of travel-sized tubes of toothpaste is inconvenient and wasteful. Extracting every last drop of paste from the tubes is a fruitless endeavor (we use a vise here at SkyMall Monday HQ). You’d think that, in 2012, we’d have come up with a better way to clean our teeth. Well, the future is now thanks to the geniuses at SkyMall (and their friends at Archtek). Stop squeezing your toothpaste when you can just pop it…with a Toothpaste Tablet!

Read the entire SkyMall Monday post on Gadling.

I don’t profess to “get” art. Show me cherubs and I just see a bunch of babies that could use some diapers. A painting of a horse? I’m going to assume that the artist really admired those equine thighs because I do not see any deeper meaning to that portrait. Here at SkyMall Monday, we have one piece of art, and it’s simple enough for me to understand (Calvin, on the other hand, is a member of the family and not an object). So, when I see Michelangelo’s David, I just see a dude with great abs who likes to hang around the locker room naked. Man, don’t you hate that guy? Put a towel on, buddy! Not only that, the statue hardly seems realistic in 2012. Who has time to develop great abs other than half-baked reality TV stars? We need art that reflects the people of today (or at least the People of Walmart). Thankfully, SkyMall is here to help us stay classy with an update of Michelangelo’s class work. Feast your eyes on the Super-sized David Statue.

Read the entire SkyMall Monday post on Gadling.

Boxes of chocolates. Pillows. Even pepperoni pizzas. On Valentine’s Day, you’ll see anything and everything shaped like a heart. However, you can’t start your cavalcade of hearts on Valentine’s Day until you wake up. For many people, though, that’s the hardest part of their day. Here at SkyMall Monday headquarters, we don’t always attack the day. No matter how much you love the person next to you or the activities you have planned for this romantic holiday, the soft embrace of your bed can be even more enticing. So, how do you pry yourself out of bed and get started on the parade of hearts? Well, you let SkyMall wake you up. Or, more accurately, you let the Sonic Boom Sweetheart Clock – and its vibrating bed shaker – give you a heart attack.

Read the entire SkyMall Monday post on Gadling.

How we remember our heroes usually depends on when we idolized them. The images that move us the most get etched into our brains. As a kid, I wanted to be Indiana Jones. In my mind, Harrison Ford will always been that whip-toting adventurer (though not the one with the sagging man-boobs in the most recent Indy film that I refuse to acknowledge). He’ll always have a place on the Wall of Honor in the SkyMall Monday headquarters (next to a jar of Nutella). But what really becomes of our icons? Well, they die. They all die. That’s the circle of life (it’s a tad darker than hakuna matata). And, while we remember our heroes deaths, we never commemorate how they would look if they continued to entertain us after their demise…until now, thanks to SkyMall and the Undead Icons Statues.

Read the entire SkyMall Monday post on Gadling.

Living with a dog means giving up much of your domestic life to an animal that doesn’t know how to share space. You live with fur everywhere. Water and food bowls take up part of the kitchen floor. Toys are scattered everywhere. It’s difficult to create a sophisticated living space when there are drool stains on most of the furniture. We run into these problems at SkyMall Monday headquarters thanks to our freeloading tenants. This doesn’t even take into account the space issues. Once you set out some dog beds and set up their crates, you’re dedicating a tremendous amount of real estate to animals that lick their own penises. So how do you maximize space, live in style and also make your home comfortable for your dogs? You simply sit back, relax and let SkyMall solve all of your problems with the Zenhaus Dog Crate…that’s also a coffee table!

Read the entire SkyMall Monday post on Gadling.

Going out for a lavish meal with friends is one of the great pleasures in life. Elegant food, good company and, of course, delicious wine make for a wonderful night out. However, some people take their wine very seriously and anything that takes away from their vino experience can ruin the evening. The last thing anyone wants is for one of  their friends to storm out of the restaurant because the glassware is substandard. Here at SkyMall Monday, we know a thing or two about wine glasses. That’s why we appreciate that SkyMall is tackling the problem of wine glass disappointment. Never again will you have to worry about a lackluster wine glass destroying any chance enjoying a night out. The next time you’re painting the town red, don’t trust restaurants and bars to know what you require. Take care of yourself – and your wine – with the O to Go portable wine glass.

Read the entire SkyMall Monday post on Gadling.